Parents Really Do Understand
by WillyFourEyes
Summary: Goldie knew that one day she would have to bring Diane home to meet her parents. - A Goldie Vance story. (Goldie/Diane [F/F])


_Obligatory fanfiction disclaimer: Goldie Vance and all related characters are the property of Hope Larson, Brittney Williams, and Boom! Studios. Please support the authors and artists by buying and/or reading the comics from your local library or comic book store. They're quite good._

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When they say every day in St. Pascal feels like summer, they're not fooling! I feel like I've sweated through two of my best blouses today. I hope it doesn't stay this hot when I have to go back to school in the fall.

Just as I go to change into a freshly-washed T-shirt and pants, I hear the phone ring. I hope it's not Mr. Maple calling me to work overtime. It's a Saturday, and I need a break from parking cars and chasing down bad guys.

With my T-shirt halfway over my head, I try to dodge around my bed to pick up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hiya, Goldilocks."

Oh, Diane...the only thing in Florida hotter than the sun itself. You always know the right thing to say to make a girl feel like she's in heaven.

"So, how's my favorite hotel valet-slash-junior detective doing?" she says.

"Hopefully as good as _my_ favorite record store clerk," I say back. I still have a lot of work to do on my flirting voice, but Diane...she's a natural at it.

"Want to go hit the Deep End again tonight? It'll be my treat."

"Actually, Diane, I was thinking..."

"Thinking of what, Goldie?"

"Why not come over to my place and eat? Mom's making chicken and rice tonight, and she always has extra left over when she cooks. I'm sure she wouldn't mind sharing."

I hadn't actually planned on going out tonight. I mainly suggested it because I'd seen Diane at least once a day every week since we started dating, and I wanted to keep the streak alive. Not only that, but Cheryl, Walt, and Sugar already know Diane and are at least aware that she's my girlfriend. She hasn't met Mom or Dad yet, and the sooner she does, the less awkward Dad's eventual "rules for dating my daughter" lecture will be.

"That sounds very tempting," she asks. "Do I have to dress up for this?"

"Not at all," I tell her. "It's just a homemade meal. Just bring whatever you have on. Not that I would mind you suddenly showing up at my apartment in a runway-ready dress..."

Diane chuckles. "Maybe one day."

"I'll see if I can save a spot at the table for you. See you soon, babe. Love you!"

"I love you too, Goldie."

I hang up the phone and scramble to the common room. Mom is about ready to take the rice off the stove. It doesn't look like she used any butter for this recipe, so I hope it still tastes good.

"Mom? Dad? Is it okay if I invite Diane over?" I ask.

"But we're about to start eating, honey," Mom says. "How soon do you expect her to get here?"

In probably the best case of comedic timing I've ever seen, someone taps "Shave and a Haircut" on the front door. I try not to look too excited as I offer to open the door, in case I'm wrong about you-know-who being behind it.

But I'm not wrong.

I don't know what pay phone Diane called from to get here as quickly as she did, but I'm glad she made it. I'm so happy that I don't even notice her staring at me as I hold my hands out like a showgirl unveiling a brand new car.

"Is now a good time?" I say. I see Dad crack a smile, but I know he doesn't want to laugh.

"Hi. It's nice to finally meet you," Diane says. The combination of the outside heat and the nervousness of seeing Diane shake hands with my parents is making me sweat bullets.

"Please, come in," Dad says. "Have a seat. You too, Goldie."

After washing my sweaty hands at the sink, I sit down between Mom and Diane, ready to dig into my meal. The rice is a little dry without the butter, but it still goes great with the baked chicken. Diane tries to resist the urge to pick up one of the drumsticks and start chowing down on it. It doesn't last very long.

"We weren't expecting to have company on such short notice," Dad says to Diane, briefly glancing over at me, "but I think we can make an exception for one of Goldie's..._friends_. Right, Sylvie?"

Hmm...I wonder why Dad said the word "friend" like that... Did someone at the hotel tell him about Diane? Was he snooping on my phone conversation before she came over here? Is he watching her subtly brush against me with those _firm, strong hands_ of hers? Oh, if only she could-

Wait...what am I saying? Get it together, Goldie. If your cheeks get any more beet red, they'll serve them on a plate for tomorrow's dinner!

"Right," Mom says. "You don't mind if we ask you a few questions, do you, Diane?"

"What kind of questions?" Diane asks.

And here we go...

"Let's start from the beginning," Dad says. "How did the two of you meet?"

"Well, I met Goldie one day when she visited the record store where I work," she says. "She needed my help with a big case, so I said, 'Sure, why not?' I'm not really sure if I'm allowed to tell you all the details, because I don't quite understand it myself."

"What details _can_ you tell us?"

"After we finished the case, she asked me out to a movie."

"How was it?" Mom asks.

"I don't know. We, uh...weren't really paying attention."

"I wasn't talking about the _movie_, Diane."

Now Mom's messing with me, too? There's only one other thing she could be talking about, and it doesn't have anything to do with tonight's dinner.

"It was...breathtaking," I blurt out, and Diane and I sigh in unison. An appropriate response when describing your first kiss, but not for describing some alien invasion movie whose name I've already forgotten.

"Ah, that reminds me of when your father and I dated," Mom says. "We saw this really dumb war movie, and we spent more time making out in the back of his friend's car than we did looking at the movie screen. Judging by all the empty car seats on the field, we weren't the only ones."

Diane and I can't help laughing. I reach across the table and try to nudge Dad with my elbow, but my arms aren't long enough. "Dad, you sly dog, you! I didn't know you used to have such a romantic streak!"

"In my defense," he says, "I thought that at least the effects would be good."

"Back on topic for a moment... Diane, are you still in high school?" Mom asks.

Even when answering the "tough" questions, Diane still doesn't lose her cool. "Actually, I graduated not too long ago. Why do you ask?"

"We only bring that up because there are...certain things you may be able to do that Goldie can't at her age," Dad says. "Things like smoking, or drinking, or gambling, or-"

"Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Vance. I'm not into any of that stuff. Goldie isn't, either."

"I couldn't, anyway, considering all the running around I do," I add.

"That's another thing, Goldie...your detective side business frequently puts you and your friends in a lot of danger," Mom reminds me. "You already lost your job once for stealing cars, got physically assaulted at least twice, _and _got your precious bicycle wrecked in an auto accident. Think about the pain we'd go through if you ever got seriously injured. How would your friends react? How would _Diane _react? I know you want to do your best to try to help people, honey, but at some point you have to ask yourself: 'Is all the collateral damage worth it?'"

"I can handle it, Mom. I'm trying really hard not to mess things up anymore. I know I can count on Diane, Cheryl, Rob, Walt, and even Sugar to watch my back if I ever get into trouble, and I'll stick my neck out for them if they ever get in trouble."

This time, I lay my hand on top of Diane's to get her to look my way for a moment. I haven't eaten my chicken yet, so my hands aren't greasy, hopefully making it a lot less gross.

"I know Goldie can be a handful to deal with at times," Diane says, "but there are few other people I'd trust with my life. I'd do anything for her."

Once everyone finishes eating, I excuse myself from the table to help wash the dishes while Mom and Dad grill Diane a little longer. I wish I could hear more of what they're saying... I think I even saw Diane flinch once. Maybe it's just my imagination...

"Goldie?" Dad calls out to me. "Could you come back to the table once you're done over there?"

I scrub harder to wash away the last of the chicken grease so I can get back to my seat.

Mom and Dad both have their "serious" faces on. Diane takes this as her cue to head back home, but Dad calls her back to the table for another minute or two. At least neither he nor Mom called out for "Marigold" instead of "Goldie", or this date would have been over before it started.

"Now, Goldie, we know you're excited about getting to go out with Diane, and it's apparent that the two of you like and care for each other a lot..." Mom says.

Dad cuts in and adds, "...but between school, your chores, the hotel, and your detective agency...you're taking on a lot for someone your age. Being in a committed relationship takes a lot of work."

"I know. When I first saw Diane," I say, trying to suppress the lingering anxiety building up in me, "I thought I was just having a passing crush. When she agreed to help me and we nearly put both of our lives on the line, that's when I knew I wanted to, uh...'strengthen my partnership' with her. It's not the way I'd imagined my first time falling in love would go, but I'm willing to do everything it takes to make things work with Diane."

"Well, I don't think anything else needs to be said," Mom says after murmuring something to Dad. "Okay, except for this: Diane, Goldie..."

"We can't speak for what Diane's parents think of the two of you going out," Dad says, "but we have no objections."

I sigh, and all of the anxiety I had earlier spills out of me, replaced with a well of joy ready to burst open like a geyser. "Really? You mean it?"

Mom and Dad both nod. "Yes."

"Thank you so much, guys!"

I jump out of my chair to hug Mom, then Dad, and finally Diane. Seeing her smile when she hugs me makes her look almost unbearably cute. It's not a simple grin like the many times we tease each other, but a great big "I-can't-believe-this-is-happening-to-me" smile that I hope to see more of later.

"Thank you for trusting me," Diane says to my parents. "We promise we won't do anything stupid."

"Don't worry about that, girls," Mom says with a motherly smile. "Doing 'stupid' things is to be expected when you're in love. It's when you nearly get yourself killed-_that's_ the 'stupid' we're worried about."

Doing life-threatening stunts pretty much comes with the territory of working for Walter's detective agency. I try to keep _that_ kind of stupidity to a minimum, but it doesn't always work out that way.

Diane rolls up her sleeve and taps on a hidden wristwatch. "I should probably get going now. Dinner was delicious. I hope we get to do this again!"

"You're always welcome here," Dad says, "as long as you call ahead first."

I offer to escort Diane to her car. Just as we get to the edge of the parking lot, I stop short and tug on the sleeve of her jacket.

"Goldie, what are you-?"

With one less-than-smooth motion, I grab her underneath her knees and try to sweep her off her feet. She's very tall and heavy compared to me, but I'm not going to tell her that.

I struggle to carry Diane to the driver's side of her car, listening to her laugh her head off the whole time.

"Oh, geez...why did you do that?" she asks as I stand her upright and lean against the car to rest.

"I just-I just wanted to see if I could," I say, laughing and wheezing for about twenty seconds until I catch my breath. "I might not get a chance to try that again."

As soon as we both calm down, she grabs me and takes me into her arms, thankfully not lifting me off the ground as I just tried to do with her. My arms are still weak, but I hold on as tightly as I can.

"I love you so much, Goldie," she says, "but please..._please_ promise me you won't do that again for a while. I don't want to lose my girlfriend to a back injury over something as silly as this."

"I promise."

Diane and I share another "I-can't-believe-it" smile and a long, deep kiss - longer than either of us has ever shared before. I hope she doesn't get in trouble for being late to wherever she has to go...


End file.
